FILM FRANCHISE FRIDAYS: Thunderball

By Darin Skaggs

I did not like Thunderball as much as I’ve liked the previous three Bond films. I’m a little iffy on Dr. No, but this one is, so far, the worst of the bunch.   In this one the bad guys steal a nuclear bomb from a crashed fighter jet so they can blow up something, it becomes harder to follow these movies myself for some reason. Of course here comes James Bond to the rescue with the help of some good looking ladies and his normal band of secret agent helpers. I could not stand Bond in this one, very misogynistic, no good one liners and way too many underwater fights. Hey movies, underwater fights are not interesting, almost ever, so do not do them. Alright, so here is a look at Terence Young’s Thunderball.

How Cool is Bond?

  • In the opening scene Bond is escaping a spy job. Does he get into his cool car? No. Does he jump onto a helicopter? No, warmer. Yes, he puts on his jetpack and flies away. Honestly this is really dorky and looks funky, but it is a nice surprise to see Bond in a jetpack all of a sudden. Later he is making fun of the gadget guy for being nerdy or something, but he was all giddy when flying this jetpack. Hypocrite.
  • There is a 00 meeting and Bond is tardy for it. He gets called out for it. Shows how immature he is, but this could be counted as cool. The least of the 00’s that cares about rules.

How Uncool is Bond?

  • Some guy tries to kill Bond with a weird exercise machine. What is that thing? Bond lays there and it pulls him back and forth. That’s not important right now, the lady in charge asks Bond not to tell anybody about this mishap or she will lose her job. Bond then blackmails her into having sex with him and he won’t tell. If not bad enough when leaving that encounter he says “See ya later…” and then to himself “…alligator.” What a creep.
  • It is uncool that Bond is in a movie that has so many underwater fight scenes. I think in some of them they are supposed to be punching, but of course in water you move slower so it just looks funny. Hey shoot as many whale spears you want, that is almost fun, but nothing is really interesting in underwater struggling.
  • Bond is being held hostage, he escapes. It is pretty cool how he escapes. He uses alcohol and a lit cigarette to make fire and run. It is the place he decides to hide that is uncool. He is running through a parade and finally sees a float with women in bikinis and thinks “Hey, why not hide there.” Honestly this is pretty funny, but I was mad enough at Bond to just say “Of course he would.”

The Bond Girl/Sidekick

  • There are so many girls in this movie and frankly I did not know who was who, some of them were helping Bond, some seem to be against him. I could not tell for the most part who was who…they all looked alike.
  • But I can rate the name: Dominique Derval or Domino as she is called in the movie: It is a classy name, no one would be called this in real life, I know that is the joke, but this might be the most realistic name so far. My rating of Dominique “Domino” Derval: B

The Villain

  • The villain is Emilio Largo or Number Two. He is a pretty good villain, he has an eye patch which gives him a certain sense of creepiness.   He hires a guy to kill everyone on a jet and sink it so they can retrieve some bombs from it, then he just kills that guy underwater by cutting his air mask with a knife instead of his seatbelt he seems to be stuck in.
  • The real “thing” this guy has is he kills people who don’t please him by pushing them into his pool of sharks. This guy loves his sharks.

Conclusion

                Thunderball is not that great. The action scenes are boring, mostly because they take place in the water. It is also way too long, over the two hour mark, making you wish you were somewhere, anywhere else. Bond is a great buttmunch to every women he meets, which to me looked like two different women, but it seems like six. Anyways that just might be my fault. This one is a disappointment and is almost the last of Connery, so here is hope to the next one.

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