FILM FRANCHISE FRIDAYS: Friday the 13th Part III

By Darin Skaggs

Friday the 13th Part III is one of the most lame, boring, stupid and ridiculous horror movies I have ever seen. The first two are decent slasher flicks, the first one is better than most, but this one is what people are talking about when they say horror films are unoriginal garbage. The first two had a story, this one doesn’t even attempt to have a plot. At all. Jason kills horny teenagers who are visiting the woods. Why? The first one was Jason’s mother killing people because she was upset they were reopening the camp her son died at. The second one has Jason coming back from the dead and avenging his mother. This one makes me wonder, what is Jason’s goal? Why is he killing now? It seems to be just what he knows, he doesn’t know what else to do. I didn’t even mention this was supposed to be in 3D. The only trick they do is holding objects up to the camera in the most obvious way. “That random kid’s baseball bat is pointing right at me” you will scream. It is very bad, as well as the whole movie. So here are some more thoughts on Steve Miner’s (the only director to direct more than one of these films) Friday the 13th Part III.

The Horror Movie Cliché

  • This is the third in the franchise and like so many third films in a franchise this one is in 3D so here is a list of everything placed in front of the camera to make it look like the object is right in front of you: Credits, A snake, A baseball bat, A joint, An eyeball (old), A wallet, A yo-yo, The end of pitchfork, The front of different pitchfork, Apples being juggled, A whale spear, A fireplace stick that is hot, An eyeball (fresh), Books and a knife.
  • Everyone in this film is too nervous, but it just comes across like they are aware of the danger ahead. Like they know Jason is coming later even though there is no reason for why they are so concerned.
  • An old man does appear in the middle of the road. He sort of warns our group. For some reason he is holding an eyeball.
  • There is a shower scene clearly setting up a Psycho type kill with Debbie. It does not happen in the shower, but she is killed five minutes later.
  • The last survivor, Chris goes out on the sort of lake and then wakes up to Jason alive coming after her when, all of a sudden, Jason’s mother jumps out of the lake and grabs her. This one might be a dream, but what a lame ending, just rehashing the first one. This is something this film does very well, taking ideas from the first two and doing them again.
  • Hey, Jason finally gets the hockey mask! Thanks Shelly!

The Not So Cliché

  • Bikers are introduced, they are killed pretty quickly, but first they get revenge on our characters for hitting their motorcycles with a car by taking the gas out of their van. They plan to burn down the barn. Jason gets them before that, but this does set up the van not making it far when trying to escape. So this film has set up, which is the most clever part about it sadly.
  • The character of Shelly is probably the most cliché, but too much so to even count it as cliché. He is not the skinniest person, he looks kind of funny. The only reason I am saying this is because this is why the actor was hired. He is incredibly insecure about his looks, the way he is and basically everything about him. He is set up with the other single friend that is going on the trip with our characters. She has to give the most disappointed face when she is introduced to Shelly. He also is a terrible jerk to everyone continually pranking people that he is a killer or has been killed. Scares them have to death and just laughs at them. Maybe he should be insecure on who he is.

Rank The Deaths

12. Harold is a side character married to Edna, the nagging wife. He is killed after going to the bathroom.

11. Loco is killed looking for Fox, with a pitchfork.

10. Fox is a girl biker who picks on Shelly, then is hung on a pillar with a pitchfork.

9. Chili just gets a hot fireplace poker stabbed through her. Kind of boring for being such a late kill.

8. Shelly just has a slit throat and Chili doesn’t believe he is really hurt because of all the other pranks he has pulled, but that is his own fault.

7. The wife to Harold is killed with a knitting needle. She is very annoying so it is not the worst thing that could have happen.

6. Debbie lives through her shower, but goes to bed and gets the Kevin Bacon treatment.

5. Ali is the main biker; he is hacked to death by Jason right after his friends. Later however he comes back at the end and tries to hit Jason as he is pursuing Chris. He doesn’t do much and gets hacked again.

4. Chuck is a stoner who is deathly afraid of the dark. And it turns out for good reason. He is tossed into a generator and electrocuted. I’m always up for a good electrocution.

3. Vera denies sex with Shelly and then is pranked by Shelly. She gets pretty mad and later drops his wallet into the water and tries to retrieve it. Then Jason shoots a whale spear straight into her eye. It is pretty crazy.

2. Andy has just had sex, so he is walking on his hands in celebration. He looks up and Jason swings a machete right into him. It is shown like we are looking up though the floor. Why? Hey, why not.

1. Rick is a nice guy, but hates all the characters. Jason doesn’t have any weapons at the moment so he just crushes his skull and makes his eyeball fly out of the head.

Conclusion

                Not good. Not good at all. I do enjoy watching bad 3D, I also enjoy watching so bad they’re good movies and this is not one of them. This is not very fun, a few deaths are entertaining but few enough to make me wish the movie would just end.

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